I both crave people and solitude.
--11:27 AM

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Today was better. at least, made me feel better.

Slept yesterday at 11pm, but had really weird dreams, such as:

-eating a hamburger.
-being in a relationship with someone. No one in particular, just some mysterious guy. I woke up remembering or reminiscing on the good parts of being in a relationship, at least the beginning stages. The excess PDA, and you can't get enough of each other. and always having someone there to hold you/ have you hold.

Anyway, tea and an ugly, deformed blueberry muffin from Roma with Tammy, and some discussion of post-final plans, and then off to first steps session for programs abroad. made 2 appointments to meet with study abroad advisors for next week [after my worst midterm] and then sat in the sun, but inside a room, so it was nice and warm.

DJ'd and got 1.5 modest mouse albums on my laptop [it was being really slow... at least i got DRAMAMINE. stoked] and then free burger from revelle plaza's infamous 10th week bbq.

chatted with people in revelle reslife [namely, brian and mark] and went to my car, dropped off my forms for internship next quarter [one of my supervisors said, you're just in time, today is my last day! --she's going on maternity leave :)]

drove to mira mesa to volunteer, where i love being loved and appreciated by the amazing staff there, then went to payless and wanted to buy 3 pairs of shoes, believing the BOGO sale was still going on- but it wasn't, so i didn't buy any shoes... smart & final to buy some snacks for residents to make love sacks. haha.

canyon vista for dinner in front of a warm fire, and then back to my apartment.

drinking diet wild cherry pepsi, tea, listening to music.
--8:08 PM

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today I had a shitty day.

I had a good night with my residents- I gave them pudding cups and cards for psych services and scantrons and bluebooks.

Then I had to write my 10 page paper for my internship. But I had writer's block. Really? yeah. I decided, in the end, to write about eyesight being linked to mental health disorders, like depression and schizophrenia. I bs'd it. all of it. It was terrible and I am ashamed of it. I was supposed to write 10 pages MINIMUM but I just couldn't write anymore. I wrote 8 pages. 10 pages will let me pass and receive credit. and I've just been so behind on this internship-- not doing my paperwork on time. Showing up late to my sites. I really blew it, and it sucks that I can't just...

the main thing is that I wish I was more motivated. I found a motivation, that got me excited and made me WANT to study and succeed, but I don't even know if that motivation (it's a goal of mine) is strong enough/is going to happen.

Sigh. I hope I can at least talk to my counselor for my internship, before she decides on a NP.

things I have lost:
-sanity
-motivation
-some money. I'm pretty broke. I should stop spending money.
-priorities
--9:01 PM

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